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I Was About To Abort My Child

About 4 years ago I was a worldly person and used to please man and not God. In fact my whole life was a disaster but because of that disaster I was led to God and now He is my every thing today.

When I was 21 years old I got pregnant and I could not accept it. This was my second pregnancy as I already had a son whose name is Liam. So when I found out that I was pregnant again I decided to have an abortion. After 16weeks of pregnancy I finally decided to go ahead and have the abortion, but I did not have enough money. I told my husband, who was then my boyfriend that I had decided to abort the child. He did not want me to do it and tried his best to discourage me, but I was so stubborn I still wanted to go ahead and do it.

So I called my cousin that lives in England and told her that I am pregnant and that I wanted to abort the child, but I did not know how to go about it and I had no contacts where to call to have the abortion done in the UK. In Malta it is illegal to have abortions and they do not do these things, so I explained to her that I wanted to have it done in England, but I did not have enough money. My last hope was to tell my parents what I was going to do. It was hard for me to tell them why I needed the money but I plucked up courage and went to them and told them the full story.
My mother was very angry with me and even my father. For days they used to tell me ANNABELLE THAT’S AN INNOCENT CREATURE AND YOU CANNOT KILL AN INNOCENT CHILD. IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU DO NOT WANT THE CHILD TO GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION. I said to my mother ‘NO I HAVE TO ABORT THIS CHILD, SO I CONTINUED TO INSIST AND BROUGHT A LOT OF PRESSURE ON THEM, AND I SAID TO THEM, MUM I NEED THE MONEY NOW BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE MUCH TIME. I only had time till 18 weeks to have the abortion done, so imagine in which situation I was in. After a lot of hassles I arranged everything and I said to my self that in one week I will be in England and 4 days after, this child will be out of me.

Though, as the Holy Bible says no man shall destroy God’s creation. One day, 3 days before I left for England my mother came to me and she said to me, DAUGHTER I THINK THERE IS A HOPE FOR YOU TO MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND. I said to her that no one will make me change my mind even if God Himself comes in front of me in person. She said to me just do this for me. At least she said if you have some space left in your heart that respects me, I would like to take you to this person that I believe is a man of God. But still I stubbornly replied, no I do not want to know about anything, and no one will make me change my mind.

After a while I told her, but for the fact that I respect you I will come, but I am only coming to make you happy and to fulfil your last hope.

So on the 31st of October 2007, I went with her and I met with Pastor William. He talked to me for hours, and as he has the hands of God upon his life, he knew that I did not mean what I was saying from my heart, but I was talking out of fear because I was afraid to face reality. Knowing me I do not even have the courage to kill a fly imagine how I had the courage to do the abortion. The devil had completely controlled my mind. After hours talking, Pastor William said to me, “Annabelle, that Child is Blessed and because its Blessed God will protect that child and even though you are fighting, the devil will loose”. And I said to him Pastor you do not know what I am passing through. The devil had blinded me completely that I did not even listen to him.

He even said to me to tell my boyfriend that Pastor William wanted to speak to him. Before I left his office he asked if he could at least pray with me the prayer of salvation and to be honest something in me said let him pray on me and that is what I did and left his office. Though when I went home I did not tell my boyfriend that Pastor William wanted to talk to him because I was afraid that if he talks with him things will change.

Then the day after my mother called me and said to me daughter did you reflect on what Pastor William said to you and did you tell Dennis that he wants to talk to him. I said to her no because I am afraid that things will change. So she called my boyfriend and told him everything. That day we went again to Pastor William’s office because my mother’s hope was that Dennis might be able to change my mind, but still I kept my word and remained stubborn. No one could even change what I had in mind, even after hours of talking. Before I left the office, one of the brothers had a song on his mobile that he played for me and I cried when I heard that song and I ran out of the office.

On the 2nd November 2007, I left Malta and arrived in England. I had everything ready from Malta, even the money in hand. It was going to cost me £1500 sterling. It was a Monday, than on Tuesday I had to go to the doctor for consultation. They found that everything was alright but due to the fact that I was 18 weeks pregnant they explained that they would need to operate me and that they could not do a simple and easy abortion as was normal. I agreed to it and was due for the operation on the 7th November.

On the 7th November I left Dorset to go to London as early as 3 o’clock in the morning as I was the first one to be operated. When I arrived at the clinic I was astonished to find out that the name of the clinic was Liam, the same as my son’s name. Remembering the place it was like a haunted, creepy house.

I entered and gave my details to the receptionist and told her that I am from Malta and that I was told that I would be the first to be operated that day. She said to me that I was to wait in the waiting area until called. I waited for 2 hours and still they did not call me. In the meantime more women were coming in of countless different ages ranging from 16 years up to 40 years. Some of them already had 1 child as I had.

Then I noticed that some of the women were going in for the operation before me and I went to ask again at the reception. I explained to the receptionist once again that I was told that I would be the first one to be operated. THE RECEPTIONIST SAID TO ME “WE ARE VERY SORRY MRS VELLA BUT WE CANNOT FIND YOUR FILE. WE THINK IT COULD BE LOST OR MAYBE DORSET CLINIC DID NOT SEND IT TO US.” WHEN I HEARD THIS, I STARTED YELLING AND SWEARING IN MALTESE. I REACTED LIKE A BEAST. Then the receptionist called me again and she said to me that they had tried to contact the other clinic so that they can at least send them my details with the hope of going ahead with the operation. Though she said that all clinics in England were open the Dorset clinic was closed. I could not believe it and said it cannot be closed. The receptionist said that they could not do anything else. I insisted and said that I was not leaving the hospital without having the operation to get the baby out of me, and that they should see what they are going to do about it. She replied that they were very sorry but they could not do anything. At this stage, the receptionist suggested that I could try to contact Dorset clinic myself but they would need an answer by 10:00am if the operation were to be done. She said I had just 1 hour left, otherwise another appointment for the following week could be arranged. I explained that I could not wait another week because I would be over 18 weeks then and she replied that they could not take any risks and do the operation without having any details in hand. So I tried my best to contact Dorset clinic but to no avail, and therefore another consultation was scheduled.

When I went for the second consultation they found too many complications, that I was well advanced in the pregnancy; that I was over weight; blood pressure was high, that is, every excuse in order not to do the operation. The doctor said to me listen you need to loose at least 6kg in one week if we are to go ahead with the operation. If not we cannot do it for you, and as the doctor was checking the baby with the ultrasound my cousin said to me Annabelle how can you abort this wonderful baby? If you could at least look at the ultrasound and see the baby before it dies. I said to my cousin, please I do not want to look at it. I did not look at it because I knew that if I looked at it I would change my mind so I kept my face looking the other way.

We then made an appointment for the following week taking the risk that I could die due to the complications that they had found.

I went home and the day after on Monday my boyfriend called me to see how I am, thinking that I had gone ahead with the operation. When I told him what had happened he started begging me not to do it and to come back home to Malta with the baby. I said to him no I will not come to Malta with the baby and I abruptly put the phone down. A few minutes later Pastor William sent me a message and I called him and after talking with him and telling him what had happened he said to me Annabelle do not do it because if you do it God’s wrath will fall upon you.
I started crying on the phone and after I put the phone down, I felt peace within me and the baby gave me a kick and I felt that the baby was saying to me, MUM I LOVE YOU. SO I PICKED UP THE PHONE AGAIN AND CALLED THE HOSPITAL TO TELL THEM THAT I HAD CHANGED MY MIND. I cancelled everything and from that day I realized that there is a God which is alive and that he follows me wherever I go and I started praying and crying to God to save me and I thanked him for saving my baby. I cried all night from my heart and I felt released from that burden that I had felt a few hours before. It was like something had left me and that something stronger came in me.

After four and a half months I gave birth to a blessed daughter which for me is a living miracle and a living testimony that I carry with me every day. I named her FAITH because through her I found faith in God in my life and I now live by faith. She is now 3 years old and believe me people of God she is an angel. I thank God daily for her and although in the past I reacted like a beast, now I react like a disciple of God and share this testimony with whomever I speak and meet.

Before I close this testimony, I would like to encourage you all, Please do not do the same mistake that I was going to do because you will feel guilty for the rest of your life. DO NOT fall for satan’s plan because he only wants to steal, kill and destroy God’s plan for your life. I am writing this to you with tears in my eyes because till today I still cannot get out from my mind and heart the crying of those babies which were killed that day. I can feel and put myself in the shoes of all those women that are passing through this experience and situation, but I encourage you again to listen to that small voice that comes out from within you, from your heart. That is God’s voice telling you that He loves you and that He will be there in every situation of your life. DO NOT be stubborn as I was because if it weren’t God’s love for me and my daughter maybe I cannot enjoy my daughter today and the rest of the family.

God bless you all.